Fruits for the Week

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The first cure

The ahadith mention that when one becomes angry while standing, one should sit down. If one is sitting, one should then lie down. When the couple are having an argument, each one should try to remind the other to sit down, lie down, drink water or make wudhu.

Anger is extremely destructive and causes many physical ailments. In addition to this, it is also causes enmity and hatred between people. One is tremendously rewarded for swallowing one’s anger. On the other hand, if one’s does not control one’s anger, one will become a criminal instead of a reformer. It is therefore imperative that one maintains a balance of mind when anger begins to set in. This is important for every husband, mother and teacher.

The Qur’an teaches us that instead of doing something hastily without thought, one should ponder over one course of action and plan a strategy that will be in the best interests of all involved. Therefore, the solution to a problem should be such that the wife/ employee/ student realizes his/ her mistake while the husband/ employer/ teacher is still filled with love and concern for them instead of resorting to anger and violence. In this manner, the problem will be solved without creating ill feelings. In fact, after the problem is solved in this amicable manner, one’s spouse and children will have even more love and respect for one than they had previously. This principle should always be kept in mind.

The second cure

The Prophet (saw)said: “Whoever swallows his anger while in the position to vent it, Allah shall call him before the entire creation in the Day of Qiyamah and permit him to choose whichever damsel of Jannah he pleases.” (Timidhi and Abu Dawood)

Describing the true Mu’min in the Qur’an, Allah (swt) said: “And when they angry, they forgive.” (Qur’an 42: 37). In Surah Al Imran, Allah describes the pious and abstinent Mu’mineen when He says: “Those who spend in ease and adversity, swallow their anger and forgive people. Allah (swt) loves those who do good.” (Qur’an 3: 134)

Discussing this verse, Shaikh Muhammad Zakariyya writes that swallowing one’s anger and forgiving people are exceptionally noble qualities which are used to praise the Mu’mineen.

Ulama have mentioned that whenever a Mu’min errs, one should make excuses for the error and then explain to one’s heart that it should not harbor ill feelings towards the person because she/he had so many excuses for the error. If one’s heart still refuses to accept, one should censure one’s heart for being so hard and unrelenting. One should tell oneself that a Mu’min ought to accept the excuses of another. The Prophet (saw) has mentioned that the person who does not accept his brother’s excuse shall be very sinful. According to another hadith, the sip that Allah (swt) most loves is the sip that a person takes as he swallows his anger.

The third cure

Imam Ahmad (ra) has reported a hadith in which the Prophet (saw) said:” When any of you becomes angry, he should remain silent.” Therefore, when husband and wife start getting angry, the wife should remind her husband about this instruction of the Messenger of Allah (saw) and encourage him to abide by this instruction because one’s success in this world and in the Hereafter shall be guaranteed when one follows the commands of the Prophet (saw). She should admit her fault and tell him that it will not happen again. The couple should then engage in some other activity so that the matter is forgotten.

The fourth cure

When the couple are about to start an argument, they should leave the place immediately. The wife may step awhile outdoors and the husband may go to the Masjid. They may then perform prayer or recite a bit of the Qur’an until their anger subsides. The Prophet (saw) said: “Behold! Anger is a burning coal that ignites the heart of a person. Do you not see the dilation of the angry person’s veins and the redness of his eyes? Whoever senses this happening to him should resort to the earth. He should resort to the earth i.e. he should lie down and think about his final abode in the grave.” (Baihaqi)

After this prescription to bring one’s anger under control, there is no need for another prescription. When standing, one is far from the ground. When sitting, one will be closer to the ground and when lying down, one will be closest to the ground. This proximity to the ground is effective in reducing anger because Allah (swt) has imbued the ground with the quality of humility. When sitting and lying down, this quality will rub off onto the angry person and reduce anger because humility and the converse of anger and pride.

By employing these methods, one will be able to control one’s anger. When this is achieved, one will no longer darken the happiness of others and one will no longer deprive oneself of the friendship of good friends. Families will not be wrecked and one will neither be responsible for extinguishing the candles of joy blazing in the hearts of others nor for silencing the nightingales singing songs of merriment in their chests.

by Muhammad Haneef Abdul Majeed